Knitting and I broke up for a while. Or maybe we just took a break, I don’t know. Partly it was practical — I had two babies, and grabby hands don’t really go well with pointy sticks and string — and partly it was just that I needed some space before Knitting and I tried again.

The thing is, too often I gave into the knitlust: I wanted to try everything, but was willing to commit to nothing. I’d get so excited about each new project and spend every spare moment with it, loving its colour, its texture, its smell. But once I’d conquered it — once I knew I’d master that particular pattern or technique — I’d get bored. I’d feel trapped, resentful of the the feeling that I had to stay with it, doing the same stitches over and over, stuck in a rut, when I could see that there were so many other exciting possibilities out there to move on to. And so I would abandon it. I’d just get up one day and leave it, without even saying goodbye. For years and years, I never settled down and stuck with a single project.

I got too intense about knitting: I wanted to run before I could walk. I started to disdain of working other people’s patterns and wanted to create my own. But I hadn’t mastered the basics of shape and construction well enough, so I ended up stuck: not humble enough to knit from someone else’s pattern, but not skilled enough to create my own. Running after one intriguing idea after another, I got nowhere.

I needed to walk away from knitting completely, so that I could come back refreshed, ready to start anew. It’s been three years and I’ve hardly knitted at all. Last week, I finally picked up my needles again. The wood felt good in my hands. The yarn was soft and sensuous. It had that delicious smell of clean wool, a smell that I knew would lift off my needles and envelope me in a heady cloud as I knit. It felt good to be back. I am ready to knit again.

I’m starting slowly, sensibly. I’ve chosen a Debbie Bliss pattern for a baby’s cardigan (Vogue Knitting, Spring 07, pattern 13). It’s very basic, but that’s a sensible way to start. I went out last week and paid good money for quality yarn. Commitment, commitment, commitment. I’ve finished the back and am halfway through one sleeve already. I can see myself finishing this one — that’s a new sensation, but it feels good.

I will still hold onto the lust (perhaps it’s truer to say that it still holds onto me), because lust has a valid part to play. Knitlust keeps a knitter reaching forward, always wanting more. But I will do my best to be in control of the lust this time — using it, riding it, but not being swept away by it. I will run with it, not let it run away with me.